Baby Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot lately about having a fourth child. No, no, no, I don't plan on doing it now, but I like to think about things and plan, daydream, etc.

One thing that amazes me is how far I've come from my first child, my first birth experience. I've done a complete 180. Would I even recognize that young girl in the delivery room? Legs in stirrups, flat on her back, monitor screwed into baby's scalp, doctor cutting away at her numb genitals? What would I say to that girl, if I could go back? Would I congratulate her on a beautiful baby? Would I tell her it was "Ok" to make those choices based absolutely on complete and utter naivety?

To tell you the truth, if I saw that girl, I don't think I could say a darn thing to her. I think I would sob, hang my head, and walk away. The good news is, it's impossible to ever be in that scenario (time travel not existing and all), but also because that same young girl who was so vulnerable to being taken advantage of (and basically asking for it) has changed so much since then. The dilemma that I REALLY face is telling OTHER women BEFORE they are that girl.

I've seen many women go through something like I did with baby number one, but come out of the OR after it all. Even if they escaped surgery, the wounds are still there. You can see it. Women who praise epidurals do it because they fear their own ability and they also feel as if they failed themselves. They KNOW that they are upset they couldn't birth their baby naturally (or rather, THOUGHT they couldn't). After all, how many natural birthers have heard from someone how "strong" they are, how "amazing" or that they are "a hero"? I've even been told this.

I am no super woman!!! I am simply A WOMAN. I went the route of trusting the doctor and yea, I survived and, at the time, I enjoyed my experience (for the most part), but I have since learned that trust in the doctor is trust misplaced. We need to trust in OURSELVES. We need to take responsibility for our labors, for how we will get through the pain because YES, there will be pain! You can either run from it, risking yourself and your baby, or you could embrace it, EMPOWERING yourself and sparing your baby!

The choice is yours. You can numb yourself from the beauty of childbirth or you could enjoy the amazing experience for what it is.