10 Intact Truths You May be Surprised to Hear

*Warning, Satire*

10. Phimosis. Yup! It's REAL. It DOES happen. What exactly IS Phimosis? Well, in laymen's terms, it's when the opening of the prepuce (foreskin) is small, too small, in fact, to roll back over the glans (head) of the penis. OMG! Why would we risk this happening to our boys! Well, firstly, it's VERY rare and highly overdiagnosed. Since the foreskin is different on each person (such as the labia on some women is more extended or even the clitoris) it retracts any time between infancy and adulthood. Big range? Yes, yes it is. Therefore, you cannot properly diagnose someone with phimosis accurately before they are an adult, yet it is done all the time. In some cases, this may cause pain to the individual and when phimosis is truly the issue, it can be fixed, most of the time, without any surgery being required. Steroid creams and manual stretching or stimulation to the foreskin can often "cure" this "problem". In the instance of a stubborn foreskin, one need only see the urologist for a small incision in the opening of the foresking to allow it to stretch enough. Circumcision may never even be required for phimosis, so to do it to avoid the RARE possibility of having phimosis, is just not a valid enough reason.

9. SMEGMA. This word, for some reason, seems to have a lot of people freaked out. It is, in fact, a very REAL thing. Smegma is EVERYWHERE. Here's a surprise: YOU have smegma! All it is, is DISCHARGE. It is lubrication for the head of the penis or, in women, for the vagina. It traps bacteria to keep it OUT of the urethra and help AVOID infection. It is important and serves a purpose. Yes, it has an odor! So do you. If you were to smell yourself after a long day or if you hadn't showered, I can tell you, it's probably not attractive and any man would say he wouldn't venture there! Oh my, how dare he! Well, how dare we say it of him!

8. Retraction. It is true. An ADULT male DOES have to retract his foreskin to clean. I hate to admit it. It must really be tedious to have to retract, rince, and replace, instead of just rinsing. I think it might take a whole 10 seconds instead of five, who has that time these days?

7. Unattractive. An uncircumcised male's penis is unattractive. Yup, it sure as heck is. But wait...I have never seen an ATTRACTIVE penis. I've seen both, been with both. You have the choice of the offensive intact penis, with it's extended foreskin hiding the head except during erection or the circumcised penis, with it's scars and roughened head. Gross. I'll just be a lesbian, all penises are ugly. Oh wait, so are vaginas. Damn, I'm screwed.

6. Different from dad. So true. If your husband is circumcised, not doing so to your son is going to leave him wondering why they are so different. But, with all circucmsions being performed different, healing differently, penises being different sizes, adult men having pubic hair there seems to be a whole list of things that are different between father and son just with their genitals. So, if I have to worry about explaining that, what am I going to do when my son has a different nose, or ears, or chin than my husband? Or why my husband has a hairy chest, or deep voice! Oh my goodness, I am running into all sorts of problems here. But, at least I can try to make their penises look similar. That is a load of my back!

5. STD's. Quite a few different studies support a slight decrease in the transfer of STD's in circumcised partners. Most of these are in regards to men circ'd later in life or done in other countries. Nonetheless, I don't want my boy bringing home the nasties! But wait, can't he still get it? So, it's not a guarantee, right? I mean, the only way to PREVENT getting and transferring STD's is to practice SAFE sex or abstinence. I'm not really sure how the fact that it's decreased is relevent, but I suppose it is a lot easier to have him circumcised at birth and not have to worry about educating him on safe sex practices. Plus, how uncomfortable would THAT conversation be!

4. Culture. I don't think I need to tell anyone that circumcision is a cultural thing. And not just in the US, in other places around the globe. We have one of the highest circumcision rates of developed countries. And, we're America! We know what we're doing...right? I mean, we do have some of the highest HIV/AIDS rates, even though we're making sure to circumcise our boys because as we learned, it prevents that, err...CAN prevent...err, MAY decrease the risk of that. Nonetheless, it's cultural. It's the American way, and of course, America has NEVER been wrong. *cough*Bush*cough*

3. UTI's. This IS true. Circumcised men are less likely to get UTI's! PRAISE BE! However, girls still get far more UTI's, too bad we have to waste money on antibiotics for them. For boys, it's so much easier, since we have circumcision available to fix that! I mean, sure, they can still GET UTI's, and it's rare for a boy to get one anyway, but, like I said, all the money we'll save in copays for visits and prescriptions by just paying one time for circumcision, that is a HUGE load off of my back, especially since I'll need that money to pay for my girls' treatments.

2. Religion. It's obvious that all religions have demands from their higher powers to do or perform certain things. Most require some form of prayer or praise and even different types of sacrifices. For Jews and Muslims, circumcision is one such practice required by God. I mean, yea, there's a group of Jews that oppose circumcision, but they aren't orthodox anyway. And, well, I know that none of us practice EVERYTHING that our faith teaches, but that's why God gave us free will, it makes it easier to pick and choose which parts we follow to suit our needs and which ones we ignore.

1. Choice. Here's the shocker: circumcision is a parent's choice. I'm not arguing with that. How can I? The law SAYS so. If I were to say it wasn't your choice, that'd be like saying blue is REALLY purple. It's simply not true, no matter how many times I say it! Is it the right choice? Should it be a choice? I mean, why not! But, how come I can't circumcise my daughter? Oh, the law says it's not my choice, that's right. But, what about my dog? Oh, you mean it protects him too? I remember when my mom's horse got an infection, and she had to clean out his sheath. Have any of you SEEN a horse penis? Do you KNOW how big those things are? FAR bigger than a man's! Anyway, I remember her saying what a PITA it was to clean that and you know, if only she could have circumcised her horse, she would never have had to deal with that! Instead, she was FORCED to clean him out and give him antibiotics. Damn horse.

You have entered a NO DRAMA zone.